Life happens whether we like it or not. Unexpected tragedies, unanticipated relationships, and unprecedented adventures unveil a life that is undeniably unique to its owner making life and living is a very strange thing. We have all of these expectations set upon us by society, our families, and ourselves. We have plans and make promises in our minds and hearts. All of these things can be changed by one decision. A path can be altered in a moment.
I am a person that is afraid to make decisions. I worry about the outcome. I struggle with disappointing those I care about most, especially after the three years I have had. I have always been great at finding a positive after a decision is made but the anguish leading up to said decision is one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with. Seriously, from what to order for lunch to choosing a fabric for a costume to deciding to get a divorce, I wait until the last possible moment when there is no other choice but to make a decision to actually make a decision. I have said decision waaaay to many times in this paragraph… decision, decisions, decided, decision….blah… done.
Last year, as is explained in previous posts, I had to make a series of difficult decisions. Looking back, I am confident and stand by them. I was just mostly afraid of what would be on the other side; Loneliness, guilt, hopelessness, depression, the list can go on. Frankly, fear is what was crippling me, and more specifically the fear of the unknown.
After taking that leap to have a healthier life for myself, I found that the grass was greener on the other side. Do I still want the best for my ex-husband? Absolutely. Do I regret the last three years of my life? Not at all. I learned, and after making a decision that I thought would kill me… I lived… I am living again.
My friends and family have been the best support system. I am so grateful to have them back in my life and to add new ones. Which brings me to my newest unexpected adventure.
After everything happened and I was getting my footing back, friends started talking about me dating again. I told them all that I wanted to wait at least 5 years because I don’t think my heart can take it. I want to focus on myself and not worry about having a relationship. Then one fateful night, that paradigm started to change. I was invited to karaoke by a friend. Fun! So I went. I met some of her co-workers and had a great time. As I was leaving I got a text from her. She said that one of the guys had a crush on me and thought I was cute. I didn’t really read too much into it because of my 5 year vow. A week later she gave me his number and him my number. I made a decision that would set my life on a different path, I text him. We then chatted for almost 2 days straight and two months later we are still going strong.
Am I scared? Yes. Am I excited? Yes. Am I glad that I took a risk? Absolutely. Have I already freaked out multiple times? Duh!
We made a decision together to just go where ever this relationship takes us. No matter how slow, we want to enjoy the ride. That is the second best decision I have ever made… to not decide. The first? To go on an epic road trip next week. ^_^